Posted by: callighan | 24 July 2009

Out, out damn aprotitis!

So what is it about this thing called doing that makes it so hard to execute?
Ah, yes thats it. It’s the whole other bloody thingamabob that’s called apprehensionprocrastinitis. It’s more than a thingamajig, it’s a condition; something mentioned in the DSM-X (yes, its the ultimate latest-even coming from the ever peering truth of the future-addition to the present version-whichever roman numeral it is-of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

Right. So to put things back on track for this discussion, I’ll say it again; apprehensivoprocrastinitis. Or aprotitis for short.

From the nomenclature, aprotitis is a condition is which prevents patients from doing what he or she has inteded to do (with the time of intention formulation being irrelevant). The patient is estopped from comitting the first action or steps of his work and is consciously diverted into comitting some other thing which has less to do or even completely unrelated to the original thing or errand which he or she ought to do. Thusly rendering all positive outcomes from the supposed intent null.

Such diversion of action also diverts energy and could also divert non-physicical resources into the new foray which could either be an act similar to Onan’s spilling of seeds, an action well defined by Lady Gaga as “just dance” or any other form of nonproductive wankery of the mental sort (no need to mention actual wankery as I’ve mentioned it earlier… wait, I’m being redundant).

The cause of this inflection varies. In fact, it’s variety is almost uncountable, as it it varies (ahem.. seems like the well that is my dictionary isn’t deep enough) from occasion to occasion, sitation to situation, et cetera. But in any case, all of the causes create a sense of distraction or fear which will manifest in the first symptoms; general malaise, object-oriented laziness or plain I’m-a-do-this-later, which is then repeated ad nauseam.

Once hit with this infectious disease, a patient can be cured with a three-minute shower, a good spank in the arse, or a severe telling off (provided the patient is not dumb, dickheaded or deaf).

Right

Right

Now since I’m showing early symptoms of this aprotitis, I’d better shower.

Or wank first, then shower.
Or I could just wank while showering.

Oh, whatever. I’ll just have a nap and shower once I wake up.
Or I can wank, take a nap, wake up, then shower.

Um, yes.

I’ll just sit here and drool… which is a major symptom I forgot to mention earlier.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: